Rules of Hollywood
After reading about the stupid lawsuit that is happening between New Line and Peter Jackson and their supposed ridiculous search for a replacement director for The Hobbit I have decided enough is enough. Hollywood has been running itself into the ground for years and I have decided to institute a few rules.
1.) No more TV show movies. I know there are some that eagerly awaiting the Knight Rider and A-Team movies but we need to stop feeding these leeches. Hollywood needs to get some long lost integrity and needs to stop movies for the masses....no more stupid is as stupid does.
2.) If the first movie sucked then there can't be a sequel. That's it, it's the law. I do not want to see Honey I Shrank My Grandkids or Hook 2 - Tinkerbells Revenge. Only modest movies will deserve a sequel.
3.) Certain dynasties (LOTR, Spiderman etc) can only continue if the directors and main stars return. I do not want to see anyone besides Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker and only with Sam Raimi directing. Also if any movie that is based on LOTR comes out and doesn't say directed by Peter Jackson someone's head should roll. Let us not forget the ridiculousness of Batman for hire where this week Orlando Bloom is now Batman or the revolving door on James Bonds. It's stupid, if you can't get the people who made the movies good to do them then don't do them.
4.) If a sequel is greenlighted, never...ever...unless you are Peter Jackson....film two of them together....cause there is a chance (Matrix, Back To the Future etc) that you could really screw up the second one....and then we as the general public are forced to have to see a third horrible movie in the "trilogy".
5.) Do not allow George Lucas to direct any movies ever again. No matter what. I do not want to see great actors (Natalie Portman, Liam Neeson and Ewin McGregor) made into robot idiots by horrible dialogue. Enough is enough.
6.) There will be a 20 year ban on remakes. After some discussion and recent events (Poseidon, The Love Bug etc) it has been decided that Hollywood cannot handle remaking "classic" movies and to honor their memory we will not be allowing you to trash them anymore.
7.) Harvey Keital is from her forth commanded to never do another nude scene. EVER.
8.) Horror movies are not allowed to be rated PG-13. Alien Vs Predator, etc should never ever be cheesy enough to not get a R rating. It's as simple as that.
9.) Meryl Streep can never receive another academy award. We know the Oscar people love her and nominate her for gargling in the morning but this is it. She ain't that good and you people are out of control.
10.) From her on forward any movie that my 6 year old son can watch and find plot holes or scientific inconsistancies with will no longer be allowed. The writers and directors of such a movie will be put on probation. There is more to plot and writting then one liners and blowing stuff up. Snakes on a plane was funny because it was meant to be, however there are many movies that weren't supposed to be funny that were because they were stupid. There is nothing worse then a stupid movie.
This is my list and I think it should be law immediately.
1.) No more TV show movies. I know there are some that eagerly awaiting the Knight Rider and A-Team movies but we need to stop feeding these leeches. Hollywood needs to get some long lost integrity and needs to stop movies for the masses....no more stupid is as stupid does.
2.) If the first movie sucked then there can't be a sequel. That's it, it's the law. I do not want to see Honey I Shrank My Grandkids or Hook 2 - Tinkerbells Revenge. Only modest movies will deserve a sequel.
3.) Certain dynasties (LOTR, Spiderman etc) can only continue if the directors and main stars return. I do not want to see anyone besides Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker and only with Sam Raimi directing. Also if any movie that is based on LOTR comes out and doesn't say directed by Peter Jackson someone's head should roll. Let us not forget the ridiculousness of Batman for hire where this week Orlando Bloom is now Batman or the revolving door on James Bonds. It's stupid, if you can't get the people who made the movies good to do them then don't do them.
4.) If a sequel is greenlighted, never...ever...unless you are Peter Jackson....film two of them together....cause there is a chance (Matrix, Back To the Future etc) that you could really screw up the second one....and then we as the general public are forced to have to see a third horrible movie in the "trilogy".
5.) Do not allow George Lucas to direct any movies ever again. No matter what. I do not want to see great actors (Natalie Portman, Liam Neeson and Ewin McGregor) made into robot idiots by horrible dialogue. Enough is enough.
6.) There will be a 20 year ban on remakes. After some discussion and recent events (Poseidon, The Love Bug etc) it has been decided that Hollywood cannot handle remaking "classic" movies and to honor their memory we will not be allowing you to trash them anymore.
7.) Harvey Keital is from her forth commanded to never do another nude scene. EVER.
8.) Horror movies are not allowed to be rated PG-13. Alien Vs Predator, etc should never ever be cheesy enough to not get a R rating. It's as simple as that.
9.) Meryl Streep can never receive another academy award. We know the Oscar people love her and nominate her for gargling in the morning but this is it. She ain't that good and you people are out of control.
10.) From her on forward any movie that my 6 year old son can watch and find plot holes or scientific inconsistancies with will no longer be allowed. The writers and directors of such a movie will be put on probation. There is more to plot and writting then one liners and blowing stuff up. Snakes on a plane was funny because it was meant to be, however there are many movies that weren't supposed to be funny that were because they were stupid. There is nothing worse then a stupid movie.
This is my list and I think it should be law immediately.
posted by Rosati's Review or Comment at 11:07 AM
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